Who we are
by A.Ham1776
Summary: When the nations are sent to an unknown location they are forced to find out about their past lives to figure out who they are today. Warning: dark and Depressing Ships: Italy/Germany; Sweden/Finland; Russia/America; England/France (I already published this but for some reason all my story's got deleted so round 2!)
1. Chapter 1

Germany sat at his desk as he filled out papers. The house was quiet, which is unusual seeing as there is almost always someone with him.

The happy little Italian that is usually here is gone.

'Where did he say he was going?' He thought, thinking back to when Italy left.

"Germany!" The hyper boy said as he hugged the taller of them tightly.

"What is it Italy?" Germany said, setting the boy down.

"I am going out!" He said happily, doing a little spin.

"Alright, where are you going?"

"Thanks Luddy, I'll be back soon!" He said happily as he ran out the door.

The German stared at the door and shrugged before going to do his work.

He looked at the clock and noticed that Italy has been gone for about 4 hours.

'How did time go so fast?' He thought to himself as he stood up.

He thought about all the places where he could be when his phone rang.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Germany! Germany please help me!" He heard Italy cry into the phone.

"Italy? Where are you?"

"I don't know!" "Dude, give me the phone!" America said in the background.

"Is America there too? Where are you?"

He heard America's voice over the phone.

"Hey Germany... So... Italy and I where hanging out and playing some music together when there was this bright white light that kind of... enveloped us... and now we are in this big room and we don't know where we are. It is weird man... My watch stopped working and so did the clocks in the room. They are all frozen at 2:43." America explained.

"What...?" He asked when there was a loud noise.

"IGGY!" He heard America cry. "What the bloody hell is going on? America, explain." England said and then the line went dead.

Germany stared at the phone and then he stood up, grabbing his jacket and running towards the door when the was completely enveloped by a blinding white light.

When he opened his eyes he was in a big room full of couches and comfy chairs, surrounded by yelling nations.

"GERMANY!" Italy yelled and ran, jumping onto Germany.

"Italy, where are we?" He asked.

"No one knows..." He said before running to Romano.

Germany looked around the room and saw everyone who was here.

France, America, Canada and England were sitting together and talking loudly to each other.

China and Japan were talking quietly.

Romano was yelling at Italy.

Russia and Austria where both sitting by themselves.

Switzerland was hugging Lichtenstein close as they sat together.

Sweden was sitting in a loveseat chair with Finland by his side and Sealand in his lap. Norway, Dennark and Iceland where sitting together, Denmark poking Norway on the cheek

There was another bright light and a piece of paper fluttered down, Germany grabbing it.

"Everyone shut up!" He shouted and everyone fell silent.

"Listen up, I found this paper that explains why we are all here."

"Then read it already you damn potato bastard!" Romano said and Italy gave him a small shove.

Germany started reading.

"Dear nations,

You do not know us but we know you. If you have ever wondered why YOU are nations there is a reason. You all were chosen by us. As you know quiet well there are parts of each of your personality's that is quiet well known by everyone. Italy is always happy for example. There is one trait that each of you holds that carried over from your past life to your life as a nation. None of you do not remember your past lives but today you will find out. Together. We are going though each of your past lives so you can find out some things about yourselves. Time is completely still here, so until we finish time is frozen. Most of you we will actually be looking into your past lives, but some of you didn't even make it that far. There are bedrooms down the hall for you, your names are above the door, along with bathrooms and kitchens. I hope this will shed some light to you all. Best of luck for you, you will need it."


	2. Chapter 2

**(My cousin is an asshole and I am going to kill her. So, as it turns out my stories weren't removed she deleted them. I had given her my password because she wanted to proof read my stories and I had said something that made her mad and she deleted them. *deep sigh* It is bad to hold grudges… I can just put them up again. Uggghh I am so lazy…)**

 _[I'll put stars (*) by any word that is in another language and I will have the translation at the end of each chapter.]_

A small book appeared on the middle of the table with "America" in big letters across the front.

"Looks like I am going first!" He yelled happily.

"Wait America, before you get too excited remember what they said. 'Best of luck, you will need it'... Just don't get your hopes up to high..." England said

America nodded and looked down at the book.

"Wait... We should chose a reader and take turns reading each other's out loud." He said.

"Okay, then who do you want to read for you America?" France asked.

He pushed the book to England.

"Can you read it Iggy...?" America asked, seeming a little scared. The feeling of the room was slightly darker and more off putting.

England didn't even comment about his strong dislike for the Americans nickname and opened the books, a small picture falling out. He picked it up and looked at it.

"What is it mon chéri*?" France asked

"It is a photo of America." He said handing it over to France. The photo was of Alfred Jones. He looked pretty much the same as he does today but his hair is much thinner and his already small clothes looked 5 sizes too big. His face was very bony and he had bags under his eyes.

"He is so small..." France said before passing the picture around.

Everyone looked at it as England started reading.

"America or "Alfred Jones" was the middle child in his family with an older sister (5 years older) and a younger sister (4 years younger). Alfred lived a pretty normal life up until the age of 13 when he lost his younger sister and his father in a car accident. After that Alfred slipped into depression and stopped eating. His mother had thought it was just a grieving phase but it soon became something much more. Days turned into weeks that turned into months. Alfred only ate enough to barely keep him alive. He grew to love the feeling of emptiness in his stomach. He kept skipping meals because no matter what he always saw himself as overweight. At age 17 Alfred's anorexia took his life when his heart just stopped." England gasped at the words on the next page and covered his mouth.

Everyone looked like they were going to start crying and America was looking at his feet, already knowing what England was about to read.

"I... I can't..." England said, handing the book to France who read the words and then bit his lip.

"In his present life as a country, America loves fast food because it gives him a feeling of happiness seeing as he didn't eat for years. But when he started to get teased and taunted for eating so much he stopped eating. He still eats at meetings as to not worry anyone but forces himself to throw it all up as soon as he can. America is actually over 30 lbs below the healthy weight for him, weighing only 102 lbs. He wears a lot of layers to keep himself warm because he lacks body fat so he seems much bigger than he is." France read and everyone was looking at America.

"America..." Canada said softly. "Why didn't you tell anyone...?"

"Because no one would care. Everyone would keep making fun of me. I guess I just got sick of it." He said, still looking down.

"When was the last time you ate?" Russia asked and everyone looked at him.

"About a week and a half ago..." America said. Russia stood up and everyone looked at him, wondering what he would do. He went over to America and sat on his knees in front of the country, gently hugging him. Everyone was in shock but America couldn't put into words how much this meant to him as he hugged the tall nation back.

"Thank you..." America said softly to him.

They hugged for a moment before Russia let go, walking back to where he was sitting.

"America... Can we go talk for a minute?" Canada asked his twin.

"Yeah okay..." He said following him out the door and finding the bedrooms. Looking down the hall they both groaned. They had to all share rooms.

Germany and Italy had a room, England and France had a room, Sweden and Finland (and Sealand) had a room, Switzerland and Lichtenstein had a room, Canada and Japan had a room, Austria and Romano (poor Austria!) and then America and Russia. The American blushes slightly. He did like Russia but no one knew that.

"Oh you have to share with Russia... I'm so sorry." Canada said.

"No, it'll be fine. He really isn't that bad." America said and walked into his and Russia's shared room.

"So... What did you want to talk about...?"

"Take off your jacket... I need to see how small you are..." America looked at Canada with fear.

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"Please? For me...?"

America looked at Canada's sad features and sighed, knowing he can't deny his brother.

He slid off his jacket and slipped off 5 more layers leaving only a extra small tee-shirt. You could see just how small Americas arms are and his collar bones that were very visible.

"Oh Alfred..." Canada said, hugging his brother gently, scared he could actually break him.

America looked down, ashamed of himself.

"Mattie... Could you grab me a blanket and then we can go back out... I am cold..."

Canada nodded and hurried to get what he asked for. America sat down on the edge of his bed to wait for Matthew when he heard someone come in. He looked up to see Russia, who wasn't smiling like he usually was. Instead he looked... Sad.

"America... You look so small." He said sitting next to him.

"I don't feel small. Every time I see myself all I can hear is everyone calling me fat." He said, opening up to Russia without realizing it.

"I never called you fat." He stated. America looked up at him and started thinking. He was right... Russia has never called him fat or anything like that.

"Hey Russia?"

"Da?"

"Why do you care?" He asked looking up at the taller nation.

"Because, believe it or not I do care about people. I know it seems like I don't but I really do. I care about everyone I just... I don't know how to show people I care... I've never known." He said. America looked taken aback by the fact that Russia had just shared that with him. He hugged the taller nation tightly. They sat there like that for a few minutes until Canada came back with some blankets.

"Oh Russia... Hello." He said, setting the blankets down.

"Hello Canada. We will be out in a second, okay?" Russia said, still hugging America.

Canada nodded and quickly left the room.

As Russia hugged America he felt happy. The small nations breaths slowly became even and Russia realized he must have fallen asleep. He carefully wrapped him up in the blankets and lifted him up gently before carrying him out to the main room where everyone was talking among themselves.

"He fell asleep." Russia said, sitting down and setting America gently next to him. The sleeping nation snuggled closer to Russia and hugged his arm. And for the first time in a long time; Russia felt truly happy.

*mon chéri= my dear (French)


	3. Chapter 3

Should we wait for America to wake up before we move on?" England asked.

"Yes. I will make everyone dinner while he sleeps." France said.

"Can I help papa?" Canada asked quietly. After receiving a nod the two walked into the kitchen.

Italy walked over and snuggled up to Germany while everyone else in the room made small talk.

"Hey Germany? Do you think everyone else's pasts are going to be as bad as Americas...?" He asked, looking up at Germany.

"I don't know... I hope not, maybe America went first because he was the worst." Italy nodded and snuggled himself comfortably in Germanys arms.

England and Russia were both looking at America. The dark under his eyes. The paleness in his face. How thin his arms are. His stomach. His legs. Even his face is pretty thin.

'How did no one notice...' they both thought.

Russia started absentmindedly stroking the younger boys hair as he thought. The truth is, Russia doesn't completely understand why people are scared of him. All he really wants is to fit in and be loved.

But something inside Russia isn't right. The nation had a very dark childhood, full of anger and blood and revenge. He was forced to grow up faster then normal so he could try and do something about it.

Russias brain doesn't work like everyone elses, he doesn't see anything wrong. But lately there has been one thing taking over his thoughts. Protect America. He doesn't understand why the smaller boy means so much to him but he does. Especially now. Seeing him look so broken and deathly makes something inside Russia twists inside his stomach.

"England? Was there anything else in that book?" Russia asked, meeting the Brits eyes with his own violet ones.

"Oh right... I forgot about the book when we found out about America.

He picked up the small book and there was a few pages with writing on them.

"Yes there is." He said, waiting for France and Canadas return before speaking again.

"Chaps, there is a few more pages in Americas book." He said, gaining the attention of almost every nation instantaneously.

"Well, read them then." Germany said and England nodded before reading.

"America is one of the smartest nations according to IQ. Italy is first, then America, followed by Canada." He said, kind of in shock. Germany stared at Italy.

'Italy has the highest IQ... How is that possible?' He thought

"He always comes to the meetings with amazing propositions, papers, charts, data and presentations but he is so scared of being made fun of that when he gets up to present he usually panics and makes up something stupid."

Russia felt the American nod and knew he was awake. Instead of saying anything he just pulled him slightly closer and America snuggled up to him gratefully.

"America plays piano and has an amazing voice but is to scared of judgement. The only country he feels comfortable singing in front of is Italy. The two nations meet up quite often to sing and dance and play together."

Italy nodded with Englands words.

"I didn't know that." Germany and England both said.

"What do you play Feli?" Germany asked.

"Just a few instruments." He said and focused back on England.

"This is the last page. It says: America wants to be the hero not because he wants attention but because he wants nothing more in the world then to be able to save everyone. To protect and help not only all of his people but all of the nations as well."

Everyone was quietly looking at the frail boy when something in the kitchen beeped.

"Oh, dinner is done. Come on Mattheu." France said and the two blonds walked out, coming back a few minutes later with bowls of French soup and sandwiches for everyone.

Everyone took theirs and America pretended to be asleep.

"America. I know you are awake, you need to eat." Russia said but Alfred ignored him.

"Al, please eat." Canada said and Alfred shook his head 'no'.

"Alfred, no isn't option. You need food." Russia said, sitting the sleepy American upright.

He pouted and looked at the small bowl of soup that was placed in his lap. He stared at it but didn't touch the spoon.

"Come on, eat." France said and America lifted the spoon, only about half full of soup and put it to his lips. He took a bite and set the spoon back.

"I can't..."

Russia looked at him.

"Come on, I know you can." The American looked up at him and gave a small nod before eating another spoonful.

France, England and Canada shared a relieved sigh. There was a small noise and then a new book landed on the table.

"Well, who's next?" China asked.

"It's Italy." Japan said looking at the book.

Italy bit his lip. If they told everyone about Americas secret then he was pretty sure they would reveal his.

"I'll read." Germany said, taking the book from Japan.

Italy looked at him and moved over a small bit and tugged on his sleeves.

Germany opened the book and started reading.

"Italy or "Felinciano Vargas" was an only child. He lived a normal life with a happy childhood. He was homeschooled until the age of 15 when he started high school. Felinciano always had a passion for learning, as well as a passion for dancing and music. When he went to high school he started to get bullied for being gay and for being a nerd and a dancer. Of course this sent him into a state of manic depression having been exposed to the cruelty of people after being protected for so long. He found comfort in self harming and giving himself the pain he thought he deserved. He hid his depression from everyone, knowing they would only make things worse for him if they knew. On his 17th birthday his only friend left him and told him that he will never be anything more then a worthless fag. Losing the one person he thought truly cared about him was to much for him to handle and that evening he jumped from a 20 story building, ending his life. This is why Italy acts so happy all the time as a nation. He sometimes goes though long periods of depression."

He grabbed out a few photos of Italy when he was a human. A photo of him dancing, a photo of him smiling at the camera with a cute little pair of glasses on and a picture of him laying alone in a field.

As he passed them around for the others to see, saying small "awes" or "cute"s Italy's eyes were on the ground.

"It says here that Italy still goes through bouts of manic depression but no one ever notices. He tends to self harm a lot during these times and has gotten very good at hiding things he doesn't want people to know."

Italy had somehow slipped out of the room without anyone knowing.

"Where did Italy go...?" Japan asked.

"Italy?" Germany called getting up to find the boy.

He walked down the hallway and read the names on the doors, finding the room he and Italy share.

He opened the door carefully and found the smaller boy curled in a ball in the middle of the bed.

He looked at him sadly but couldn't help but smile at how cute he was.

He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, putting his hand on his back and moving it in a circle slowly.

"Italy... You will be okay... I am here now..." He said and Italy moved over a bit to hug onto his arm. Germany smiled and laid down next to him, allowing him to curl up to him and cry. He held the small, shaking mess of a boy until his sobs calmed to small breaths. And not long after Italy fell asleep, Germany was as well.


	4. Chapter 4

After Italy and Germany feel asleep and people realized that they aren't coming back they decided to turn in for the night, everyone going to their respected rooms. Sweden and Finland were the last ones to go to bed, seeing as they had a child to care for first. While Finland went to heat up a glass of milk and get the boy a small snack Sweden was telling him a story, the young boy sitting in his lap. Sealand thought of Finland and Sweden as his parents and always called them mom (Finland) and dad (Sweden). He loved to hear story's about his parents and right now Sweden was telling him a story from when he and Finland first met. Finland came and sat down beside them and handed the glass and small plate to Sealand, who started sipping the milk. By the time the story was finished Sealand was out like a light. Sweden stood up with the small boy in one arm and grabbed Finlands hand in the other.

"Let's go to sleep." He said, kissing the smaller nations head and leading them to their room.

In the morning it was Germany who woke up first. He looked at the small Italian next to him, who had slept in full clothing. He couldn't help but let his curiosity get the best of him as he lightly pulled up the small boys sleeves to reveal rows and rows of scars. The feeling that overcame the blond was unlike anything he had experienced before. The sadness and pain that overcame him knowing that his sweet happy little Italy was dealing with so much pain and sadness that he would resort to this...

He looked at the boy's face, leaning over and kissing his head before leaving the room. He made his way to the kitchen where he proceeded to make himself some coffee. He was about to pour himself a cup when Sweden joined him in the kitchen.

"You saw his scars didn't you?" The Swede asked.

"How did you know?" The German said, surprise present in his voice.

"The look in your eyes. It is the same look the I saw with Canada, England and Russia when they saw how small America is. It is the look of pure sadness." He said, pouring himself a cup of the hot beverage as well.

Germany just stared at the man, taken back by his words.

The two sat in silence as they drank, the other country's joining them until everyone was there.

"Well... Should we finish Italy's?" Romano said, sitting by said Italian.

"May I read this part?" Austria asked. Even though Austria was (for the most part) very level headed he was heart broken when he found out what Italy was doing to himself. He cared for the boy like a son even if he didn't always show it.

"Huh...? Sure." Germany said, handing the smaller Germanic the book. He opened it and scanned the page, smiling slightly and feeling quite proud of the boy he practically calls his son.

"Alright. Well it says here that Italy is the smartest nation and has went to school over 200 times. He is certified in many things, such as a surgeon, a oncologist, a neurologist, a psychologist, a pediatrician and many other medical jobs; as well as small, silly things like hair and make-up artist, fashion designer, journalist, chef and music producer. He is even a priest. He is very skilled with guns, knives and swords but is always to scared to use them." Everyone looked at the small Italian who was playing with a small bit of string on his shirt. Germany was about to say something when Austria started talking again, answering his unasked question.

"Italy has always acted weak and unintelligent because he is scared that if he doesn't rely on people for things they will abandon him. But Italy is the most prepared country for emergencies. He knows how to clean and fix wounds, cure diseases, and remove bullets."

He had a small smile on his face knowing that the others seemed impressed by this. He looked up and saw everyone staring at him. He practically smirked.

"Well then... It's seems my dear little brother isn't what we thought. I am very impressed!" France said, hugging him.

Sweden and Finland both looked not as surprised because they already knew most of this. There was one time when Italy had come across them and Sealand and noticed that Sealand had a cut on his arm (from getting in a fight with Wy that went a little too far) that looked slightly infected.

He hurried over to them and after exchanging casualties asked what happened to Sealand. He promptly explained to them that it hadn't been cared for properly and since he was only a micro nation it could do a lot more damage then it would to a normal nation. Finland of course started to panic and asking Italy what to do and he told them he could help. He cleaned and wrapped his cut and gave Sweden an antibiotic. They both were surprised at how well Italy was with the whole ordeal but now it makes a lot more sense.

Speaking of Sweden...

There was another small book with Sweden on it.

"Can I read it Su-San?" Finland asked and Sweden nodded.

Finland took a deep breath and opened the small book.

"Sweden, or Berwald Oxenstierna, was bullied and abused his whole life. When he was 5 his mother died and his father started drinking and would most of the time hit and beat Berwald. He grew up and kept the world at a distance because he was scared of being hurt. Because he was so quiet and antisocial people started bulling him. It got so bad that at 19 he killed himself by tying a cement block to his foot and letting it drag him to the bottom of his family's pool." Finland read, sounding traumatized.

"Sweden is always so quiet because he is scared that people will hurt him if he says something wrong."


End file.
